Graham- kitchen floor reset

This man broke my heart like I've never had before,I literally felt like someone had died.

We had a great relationship but even before I met him I had plans to teach abroad, he knew this,I always felt like he was holding back.

I was falling for him,i thought it was a good thing i was leaving as un requited love is terrible.

At the airport he cried told me he didn't know how he could live without me,that I'd changed his life,that I was unique,he told me I love you,although apparently I love ya and I love you are different things.this will make sense later.

So I was stuck I desperately wanted to stay,I took out the contract school had given me.id have to pay 2k for the cost of the flight,admin for them recruiting another teacher etc.
I cried as I didn't have the money.not only that,I had given up my house,job,I had very little in my account to start a new life in London with him.( he shared a house,rented a room there was no way I could live with him,he didn't have the money to move )

So away I went in tears telling him id be back and I loved him.

I cried on the flight there,travelling to my school and when I got to my apartment.

The next 2.5 months I spent working and socialising very little saving so I could buy myself out of my contract and get home.

During this time I had lost lots of weight due to stress and the diet 2 dress sizes.

I got back to the uk flew into London to see him first he was the only person i wanted to see.

He was off,I knew from his hug.we went back to his room had sex then he told me he had been "loose" while I had been away.he said they meant nothing had " expiatory dates".I started getting upset. He said it wouldn't have happened had I not gone away he was trying to fill a hole I had left.

Then he told me he was engaged to someonelse the first 4 months of us being together!! He was with her 5 years,he met me and thought I was so wonderful he'd leave her for me.I didn't know this was happening.

He then went on to say for this reason I can't commit because he was worried this might happen with me!?! I was a mess by this point crying I felt like I was in a bubble.

Then he went to work I was locked in the flat.I was looking at images of us on his laptop and found a album next to ours called me and avril in London images of the two of them hugging holding hands etc,dated a few days after I left the country.

I just cried on the bed for hours literally till he came home.it was concrete proof it was more them a sex thing he was having a relationship with her,looking at his fb she was from Canada so how that got started I dont know,but it must have been going on a while.

When he came home I couldn't get the words out my life had been stripped away within a day,I was jet lagged,lost and confused with nowhere to go.
He gave me a half arsed hug and said remember I deserve someone who is strong.I pushed away said I am stronger then you know.

He then said I'll be honest I don't love you now but could In the future.he turned away when he told me he was going to a festival with a girl who came into his record shop 2 weeks before I got back " they connected because she had the same taste in vinyl " but nothing was going to happen even tho she liked him and they were going alone together and she fancied him.

Of course I didn't trust him I told him not to go if there was anything between us we needed to build the trust back up
.he then dumped me because I didn't trust him saying trust then a relationship and he also added " I've got to ask myself do I really want to be with someone who gets this moody before their period" then as I was crying said " it's for the best ive broken too many hearts this year" he also said I love ya and I love you are very different,and I miss understood him.what was I meant to think? Tears-I don't know how I can live without you,changed my life? then I love ya with a tearful squeezing hug?

I'd given up a job I liked abroad, my travel plans,for nothing.I now had no job bf or a place to go.

I had to go to my parents.I felt rejection,loss,failure on a huge scale,it took few weeks for it to sink in what had happened.

On top of this my sister had sold all my stuff,the things I left in her safe keeping while I was abroad.

I had to re build my life,it took 6 months to get over it,even then I didnt date,it took a year before I went on a date where I trusted enough to think I was worth loving,and the guy was worth my time.

He used to say that my exs didnt show me my worth, he destroyed any self esteem I had,by far the worst I have been treated by any man.

I loved him with every fiber of my being I could have married him and had his children,the only man I've ever truly felt that way about,despite 2 exs asking to marry me.

I deleted him from fb I actually deleted my account for a month ,got rid of everything he ever gave me,deleted him from my life like he never existed.

I never told him how much he hurt me,I couldn't bring myself to do it. I might do it now nearly two years on to get some closure.I suppose I just want to know what was going on in his head why he did it.

At least I learnt from the experience, used it to move forward as ive done with other past experiences.
I have great getting over a broken heart guide. I hope that I never have to follow that list or pass it on,Boone should ever have to go through it